A People Pleaser

I'm brainwashed.

My parents have spoon fed me my convictions for as long as I can remember.

I'm sheltered and delusional. I'll say I'm happy, and I might seem well-adjusted, but it's only because I've been trained to answer your questions with a smile on my face.

Don't you believe it.

All right, so, depending on where you might be coming from, you're either laughing by now, or wondering where I'm going with this. Or both.

Some of the commenters on "What to Write" asked for blogging tips. Recent events have given me an idea for tip number one: how to deal with opposition.

I've shared before that many anonymous comments don't make it through moderation (though some do). They consist of variations of "You're so brainwashed. I feel sorry for you." Part of the reason I don't post them is because (well, for one thing, I don't have to -it's my blog, na-na-na-na-na... but, for another) I'm not sure how to respond to this sort of "sympathy."

I could defend myself: I'm not brainwashed. But then, are brainwashed people even aware that they're brainwashed -if so, do they even want to break free from their closed off little corner of the universe (think "1984" -doublethink, doublespeak -I'm Winston post-brainwashing and 2 + 2 = 5. And I'm good with that.)? I could try to prove it: I'm happy. I'm well-adjusted. Though it's not perfect, I love my life, and I love the journey I'm taking. But then, do delusional people know when they're unhappy? "Well, you think just like your parents do." Not always. I've had my moments of rebellion and doubt, as has everyone. But my parents and I are all believers working towards the same goal (to glorify God), so when we come to an impasse, they don't go for shock therapy; we pull out God's Word and work it out. All right, so I've told you I'm not sheltered. What say you to that? Well, obviously, I'm just not a critical thinker. If I was, I'd read all that material and come to the same conclusions as the sane half of the population. Duh.

I'm aware that this blog has two distinct audiences: those who are likeminded, and those who are not. I'm sure some people read out of sheer curiosity, something akin to examining exotic wildlife, or maybe even watching a car wreck when you can't seem to tear your eyes away. Another distinction I've become increasingly aware of is Christians and non-Christians.

For that audience of likeminded Christian girls, I'd like to offer some advice, if I may: you can't please everyone. You might share the gospel, about how Christ radically saved a wretched sinner like you, and all your listener hears is the cacophony of his own assumptions: obviously, you think you're better than they are. You may speak about how you are disenchanted with the American educational system, and all readers will see is judgment of that single mom who drops her kids off at school every day because of the terms of her divorce state that she must. You may write about a family vacation, and a sentence from your description will be analyzed to death. You may say you like the color orange, and people will feel slighted because you didn't mention the other colors of the rainbow.

All right, perhaps that last one was a bit of a stretch. But I've been accused of being everything from a hypocrite to a Holocaust denier since I started blogging; the written word is a powerful tool for communication, but sometimes, people will hear what they want to hear. This isn't just true of the blogosphere -it happens in abundance in real life as well. How do we deal with it when it does?

First off, be polite. Assume every question is a genuine inquiry, and answer it as graciously as you can, as hard as that might be.

Secondly, don't take personal offense. People might be unkind and reactionary for a host of reasons. Yes, sometimes, people are just ornery, but, often, it's because of hurt in their own lives, or a genuine misunderstanding or a blind spot. Sometimes, it has nothing to do with you. Pray for them, and try to be understanding, not annoyed.

Third, learn when explanation is superfluous. Some people are just looking for a fight. When graciousness fails, sometimes we need to realize that the Lord changes hearts. The last thing we need to do is to enforce a mistaken impression by getting an attitude or pouting.

Forth, speaking of pouting, take every remark as a chance to practice humility. We are decorated dust; we are fallible humankind. When we become offended, often, we can trace that offense back to pride in our lives. Learn to laugh at yourself. When others poke fun at you, two things can remove the sting: one, knowing you are merely a sinner saved by grace.; and, two, realizing that you are the cherished child of a sovereign King. You don't need earthly approval. Now, if someone offers biblical criticism, humility also comes into play as you seek to grow in Christ and accept reproof.

Fifth, learn when to walk away. Especially from the Internet. The fact of the matter is, in the real world, people tend to keep their opinions to themselves a lot more than the blogosphere's constant stream of consciousness. When you're bombarded with rude comments or you come across a hurtful link, turn off the computer before you do something you'll regret (battles of the wills usually end in an unsavory stalemate online) and spend time with your flesh-and-blood friends and family who love and know you well enough to realize you're not crazy. =)

As to that second group of readers, I'm slightly amused that I alternately interest/amuse/disgust/confuse you enough to hold your attention. I'm always willing to answer sincere inquiries to the best of my ability. But you might be disappointed when my reasoning comes down to a confident, "Because the Bible tells me so" (an over-simplification, to be sure). I hope the Lord can use what you read here for his glory.

All in all, I'm an apologist's daughter: I like to argue. =) But fruitless debate is a time-waster, an energy-drainer, and a joy-sapper. At the end of the day, I can't please everyone, not on the Internet, and not in real life. Because, you know what? I am weird. A peculiar person. A child of God who's held to a standard that's confusing to the world, who's loved by a love that none can fully comprehend... and, as the children of God, that love should manifest itself in how we deal with likeminded brethren, with brethren who disagree, and with non-believers who just don't get us. With graciousness, humility, and boldness, and armed with God's Word, we truly have nothing to fear.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]